


Engraved in my Skin

by TheHedgehogSong



Series: Soul Mate AU [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Homophobic Language, M/M, Mickey's Bad Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-27
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-03 21:55:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2889305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHedgehogSong/pseuds/TheHedgehogSong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey had woken up one day his ankle throbbing painfully. He looked down at the ankle and his heart stops. 'Ian'. “No.” He whispered. “No, no no no no!” He rubbed frantically at the name but nothing happened. It wasn’t some cruel prank. It was permanent. No, he couldn’t have a soul mate mark. He definitely couldn’t have a soul mate mark that was a boy’s name. He could feel tears welling up, he wasn’t going to cry though, he was a fucking Milkovich and Milkovich’s did not cry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Engraved in my Skin

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for Mickey's generally bad language and denial in all things.
> 
> Also mentions Ian's bipolar.

Soul mate marks. Historians say they started somewhere around the Egyptian times although some say they can be traced back further back than that. They happen in about 50% of the population. One day a name appears on your body - the name of your soul mate.

Mickey’s dad never had a mark. Terry didn’t believe in soul mate marks. Terry didn’t believe in soul mates. But Terry did believe that all fags should die.

Mickey had woken up one day his ankle throbbing painfully. He looked down at the ankle and his heart stops. _Ian._ “No.” He whispered. “No, no no no no!” He rubbed frantically at the name but nothing happened. It wasn’t some cruel prank. It was permanent. No, he couldn’t have a soul mate mark. He definitely couldn’t have a soul mate mark that was a boy’s name. He could feel tears welling up, he wasn’t going to cry though, he was a fucking Milkovich and Milkovich’s did not cry.

He ended up in the shower with a pocket knife he’d nicked off some kid months ago. He brought a belt as well to bite into as he pulled the knife across his ankle. Scraping off the skin. Scraping off the mark. If he hadn’t already been beaten, shot, stabbed and god knows what else over the years he would have passed out.

When Mandy asked why he was limping he made some bullshit about being attacked by a guard dog. He sucked it up and tried to forget about it. He’d got rid of it, it didn’t exist anymore, he didn’t need to worry about it. It’s fucking fine.

XXX

A couple years later he moves out with his sister Mandy into a flat they can barely afford, but it’s in a better neighbourhood and it’s away from Terry. Mickey’s heart always beats a little faster whenever he meets someone called Ian – it’s only happened once or twice but it always scares Mickey shitless.

Mandy finds out he’s gay by way of walking in on him and some dude fucking on his couch. The only comment she has is that no fucking is allowed in communal areas. Life goes on.

XXX

Mandy starts gushing about this guy she’s met who works at the bar - he’s so hot, and nice and caring. His name is Ian. Mickey freezes when she mentions the name but luckily she doesn’t notice. He’s never told her about the mark, about the scar that’s on his ankle. 

He meets Ian one day after work. Ian’s hanging out with Mandy at the flat and Mickey’s heart stops when their eyes meet, his god damn breath catches. Fuck he’s beautiful.

“This is my stupid ass brother, Mickey.” Mandy says to Ian but he’s not sure either of them are listening. “Mickey this is Ian.”

“Mickey.” The kid repeats under his breath with a stupid grin on his face. Mickey thinks he’s going to hyperventilate.

“I’ve got to go…” Mickey says, tearing away from the never ending eye contact with Ian and fucking flees to the bathroom, practically slamming the door behind him.

He leans against the closed door and breaths. It's not a big deal, so he fancies some guy that Mandy's crushing. So the guy happens to be called Ian. He doesn't mean anything.

He repeats this to himself until he feels less like he's having a panic attack – not that he’s having a panic attack because he's not a fucking pussy. He gets in the shower to make it seem slightly less suspicious that not only did he flee the room but also locked himself in the bathroom for an extended period of time.

He wraps a towel around his waist and, taking a deep breath and resolving to hang out in his room all night (not hide thank you very much), swings the door open and marches out, only to walk straight into Ian.

Jesus Christ the guy is built, it was like walking into a brick wall - that's why all the breath has left his lungs, no other reason. Ian's hands come out to steady him, catching his elbows, and the small slide of skin on skin makes Mickey feel like someone's set fire to his entire body. Like he's burning from the inside out.

Then Ian is pushing him back against the wall staring into his eyes intensely - or maybe Mickey is pulling, he doesn’t even know when he fisted his hands into Ian's t-shirt. Mickey opens his mouth to say something, anything really but Ian dives down before he can and smashes their lips together.

And shit, Mickey's never been a fan of kissing, avoids it at all costs but this guy, this guy can kiss. Mickey makes a noise at the back of his throat - it's not a whimper goddam it - and grabs onto the back of Ian's head to try and drag him closer. Ian presses in closer and slots a leg into Mickey's. Mickey's already half hard and this guy's only kissed him, well kissing might be saying it lightly, it's more like devouring.

"What the fuck!" Mandy shouts from beside them. Mickey pushes Ian back with a violent shove making the red head stumble back with a shocked look on his face. "Get out." Mandy says, in her low cold voice that Mickey's only heard when she's seriously pissed off.

"I..." Ian starts, but he's not looking at Mandy he's looking at Mickey.

"I said get out!" Mandy repeats and Ian just keeps looking at Mickey - like he's expecting Mickey to say something.

"You heard the lady." Mickey says to him and Ian's face falls. He looks like a goddam puppy that's been kicked. Ian then stumbles out of the flat with a glance back at Mickey before Mandy slams the door. They stand in silence for a couple seconds.

"What the fuck Mick, you knew how much I liked him." Mandy says, still facing the closed door.

Mickey shrugs, he can't explain it. Doesn't really know what happened, but he can't help it if the guy's gay and has a hard on for Mickey. It's not his fault. Mandy turns around and she looks genuinely upset. Mickey breathes out a breath and runs a hand through his hair, bringing it down to swipe his thumb over his lips.

"The scar on my leg." Mickey mumbles out because he'll be fucked if he's the person that makes Mandy look like that on purpose - he's supposed to protect her from shitheads like that.

"What?" Mandy asks, looking completely thrown by the change of subject. Mickey holds his leg up slightly to display the jagged scar on his ankle. "What about it?"

"It was..." Then Mickey trails off, he feels physically sick. "It used to say...FUCK!" he shouts punching the wall behind him - he's not sure why all of a sudden he feels so angry - maybe because he thought he was over the whole soul mate thing, maybe because he's confessing that he has a mark for the first not only to someone but himself, or maybe it's because he's pretty sure that he just let his soul mate walk out the door.

"What the fuck Mickey?" Mandy exclaims. "What did it used to say?"

"Ian!" Mickey bursts, and Mandy just looks confused again. "It used to say fucking Ian before I scraped it off with a pen knife so dad wouldn't see." Mandy's face drops.

"You have a soul mate mark?" Mandy gasps.

"Had, I had one. I just told you I got rid of it."

Mandy takes a step forward and then stops. "Shit Mickey. Why didn't you tell me?" Mickey gives her a look of _you know why._ "I know why you didn't tell anyone else, but this is me!"

Mickey knows exactly why he didn't tell Mandy - but he's not a chick, he doesn't just go speaking about his feeling so he just shrugs his shoulders.

Mandy gasps again and brings her hand up to her mouth - and fuck when did she get so dramatic. "Shit Ian was you're soul mate!" Mandy says, more of a statement than anything else.

"I don't know." Mickey says honestly, "Didn't see if he had my name."

"No but he asked so many questions when you went to the bathroom - literally didn't go on about anything else, and then he 'went to the kitchen' as soon as the shower turned off - obviously to find you. God why would he do that unless he had Mickey written on him somewhere."

"Doesn't fucking matter Mandy - he's gone now anyway." Mickey mumbles, he seriously wants to drop this conversation - he wants to go back to his bedroom and never think about it again. 

Mandy rolls her eyes. "Not only do I have Ian's number I work with him Mick - pretty sure I can get in contact with him and explain." Mandy’s pulled her phone and is dialling Ian’s number before he can say anything. A phone rings in the living room – its Ian’s, he must have forgotten it when he left.

“It’s okay.” Mandy says and Mickey wants to growl that he doesn’t need comforting, but his stomach feelings like it’s falling through the floor. “I’ll see him tomorrow at work.”

Only she doesn’t, he doesn’t turn up for work and nobody’s heard from him. “He’s fine.” Mandy says – mostly to herself – whiles she’s pacing up and down the living room in front of the couch Mickey is occupying. They both jump as Ian’s phone starts ringing. Mandy snatches it off the table and answers it.

“Hello. - No, this is Mandy. I work with Ian he left his cell at mine last night. - No he’s not with me, he didn’t come into work – is there any way you can get a message to Ian? - No he didn’t turn up for work. - I don’t know – boss says he didn’t phone in. - Okay. Hello?” Mandy takes the phone away from her ear and looks at Mickey.

“What?” Mickey asks before he can bite it back.

“That was Ian’s brother Lip, he sounded worried that Ian hadn’t shown up to work he hung up before I could ask anything.” Mickey just shrugs and goes to his bedroom – it doesn’t matter, none of this matters. He doesn’t have a soul mate mark anymore so he doesn’t have a soul mate. If Ian is his soul mate, was his soul mate, it doesn’t matter because Ian can do better. Ian’s hot and nice and charming and Mickey, Mickey just isn’t.

The next night, after Ian didn’t turn up to work again, there’s a knock at the door. Mickey opens it and there’s a stranger at the door. He raises his eyebrow at the guy.

“Are you Mickey?” The guy asks and it puts his back up, too used to living in the south side.

“Who the fucks asking?” Mickey asks, trying to posture and thinking about the baseball bat that’s stashed in the living – pretty much the only weapon Mandy allowed Mickey to have.

“Yeah, right, I’m Lip. Ian’s brother. I talked to Mandy last night.”

“What do want?” Mickey asks trying not to seem affected by the mention of Ian.

“Who is it?” Mandy asks, appearing behind Mickey.

“It’s Ian’s brother.” Mickey says.

“Oh you here to pick up the phone?” Mandy asks, handing the phone over – pushing Mickey out the way. “Can you possibly get him to give me a call, it’s just I want to apologise for the other evening, I didn’t understand at the time but I do now.”

“Actually I’m here about the other night.” Lip says, “Can I come in?”

“Of course.” Mandy says and pushes herself and Mickey out the way to let him. Mickey stands trying to loom while Lip sits down on the couch and Mandy sits down close to him.

“Look man, I get this is a really personal question but I need to ask. Do you have a soul mate mark?” Lip asks and Mickey flinches.

“Why?” Mickey practically spits and he can feel Mandy giving him the stink eye but he ignores her, carrying on staring Lip down.

“Ian said something about his soul mate rejecting him, but I know Ian – he gets worked up about things that he doesn’t need to, I managed to get out of him that he hadn’t seen a mark so I thought I’d check first before I beat the crap out of you for rejecting Ian.” Lip says and Mickey lets out a laugh – he could definitely take this punk. Before he can say words to that effect Mandy interrupts.

“He didn’t reject him! It was my fault. I really fancied Ian but didn’t realise Ian was gay, I invited around here and walked in on him and Mickey making out and flipped out. Mickey definitely didn’t reject him.”

 “So you do have a soul mate mark?” Lip asks and honestly Mickey doesn’t know how to react.

“Ian’s Mickey’s soul mate.” Mandy answers him instead.

“There’s something you should know about Ian.” Lip says.

XXX

Ian had bipolar, that’s what Lip said. Ian’s on medication and stable but he still has his good days and his bad days. Thinking that his soul mate had rejected him had knocked him into a spiral. Lip was convinced if Mickey went to talk to him he could help out – Mickey was less convinced.

“Hey Ian?” Lip shouted as they walked into Ian’s flat – it was in complete darkness. “He’s been in the bedroom.” Lip says to Mickey, motioning for him to follow.

Mickey hovered awkwardly in the doorway as Lip moved slowly towards the lump under the covers of the bed. “Hey Ian.”

“Go away Lip.” Ian says in a monotone.

“You’ve got a visitor.” Lip says and Ian just sighs. Lip turns around to Mickey and gives a shrug and walks out of the room, leaving them alone.

Mickey really wants to run, but Mandy’s voice is ringing in his head – what she had said when he was going to leave with Lip to see Ian. “Don’t fuck this up Mick. Don’t let Dad live your life.”

Mickey sighs, rubbing over his lips, really wanting a cigarette. He goes ahead and sits on the end of the bed, leaning against the wall and sitting tops and tails with Ian.

“Lip.” Ian says in a warning voice.

“Not Lip.” Mickey replies and Ian jerks slightly – looking up from his cocoon of sheets, his eyes are rimmed red from where he’s clearly been crying and he looks a wreck. A beautiful wreck.

“Mickey?” Ian whispers in a reverent voice which puts Mickey on edge – he doesn’t deserve that kind of tone.

“Hey firecrotch.” He replies, nudging his foot into Ian’s shoulder.

Ian’s face looks happy for all of about one second before it falls and he looks devastated. “Lip made you come didn’t he?” He says, flopping back onto the bed.

“Lip asked me to come, didn’t make me though. No one can _make_ me doing anything, not anymore.”

“Why are you here then?” Ian asks. Mickey takes a shaky breath, he’s not good with words, terrible at talking.

Mickey shrugs and looks away from Ian. “You’re my soul mate, aren’t you?” He sees Ian perk up slightly at that but Mickey can’t bring himself to look at him, focuses on a spot on the ground.

“Can I see it?” Ian asks quietly.

“See what?” Mickey asks finally looking back up at Ian.  

“The mark.”

Mickey freezes. “Thing about that…” He says focusing back on the ground. “Don’t have it anymore.”

Ian lets out a humorous laugh. “What do you mean you don’t have it anymore?”

Mickey arranges himself slightly and pulls up his trouser leg to show Ian his ankle scar. “Used to say your name until I scraped it off with a pen knife.”

Ian’s hand shoots outs and encircles Mickey’s ankle. He traces something over the scar – it’s not until Ian’s on the last letter that Mickey realises he’s tracing his name. “Why?” Ian breaths out – sounding likes he’s on the verge of tears again.

“My dad didn’t appreciate soul mate marks. Didn’t appreciate his son being gay either. It was easier to pretend I wasn’t either.”

Ian lets out a choked breath and his hand tightens on Mickey’s ankle. “Sorry.” Ian mumbles. Mickey just shrugs. Ian moves about on the bed and pulls his leg out from the covers, showing Mickey his own ankle.

_Mickey_

Mickey mirrors Ian’s position and takes Ian’s ankle in his hand, rubbing over his name with his thumb. “Someone would have to be a complete idiot not to want you as a soul mate.” Mickey breathes quietly, but he knows Ian heard because the hand on his ankle tightens.


End file.
